Today was a Monday- just like the start of every week. Brad left for Vegas again yesterday so last night and this afternoon I sat in quiet familarity, fretting about whether burglars were coming to get me or not. But no worries because today, each time I left the house, I locked the door going out to the garage (just in case those nasty burglars found a way to get through the metal door), and locked the front door good and tight. Ain't nobody gettin' in.
Late this afternoon after returning from work, I began to stew silently. Here I was, bored on a Monday, totally safe in my house and I had no material for a decent blog entry tonight. The day was relatively normal and the weekend was as well. Whatever would I find to write about? Desperate to get the creative juices flowing, I grabbed the keys to the van and headed to the liquor store. Wine always helps when you're in a creative funk. I purchased my $10.00 bottle of Pinot Noir (class alllll the way, people) and headed back home.
As I walked to the front door I fumbled on the key chain looking for the house key. Which was not there. Mentally I drop-kicked myself in the ass. Before Brad and I left for Vegas two weeks ago, I gave my key to our contractor so he could let himself in and finish out some of our maintenance work. I stupidly had yet to go retrieve my key from the front office. Bugger. But before I could throw myself into a fit, I remembered that we purchased our garage door key pad several months ago (remember what a huge disaster that was?) and I could easily gain entry through the garage door! Thank God.
As I punched in our super secret code into the key pad, I laughed to myself thinking, "Oh Kim, how silly of you to get worried. This is after all, exactly why we purchased the key pad. For situations just like this." I felt proud of myself as the metal door lifted, welcoming me home. I skipped across the garage to the door and turned the knob...which would have gladly opened had I not locked it from the inside last night worrying about burglars. Shit.
At this point I sat on the garage floor and considered drinking gasoline. It has alcohol in it, right? Then it struck me. Couldn't I just go to the builder's office down the road and get my key from him? Of course I could! Der. But the office was closed. Naturally.
In the end, my neighbor Jeremy sat outside with me while I waited for the one random locksmith who actually answered his phone at 5:32 on a Monday evening. On the phone he sounded either drunk or old. Or both. When he finally arrived at my driveway the number 82 immediately jumped into my head. It covered both his weight and his age in one swoop. Charlie the locksmith waddled into the garage where he asked inquisitively, "Did you lock yourself out?" No, Grandpa, I just really wanted some expensive company.
Charlie dug in his pocket and pulled out, I kid you not, a piece of thick paper. He stated, "Let's have a look-see at that lock." For 19 minutes he jiggled that ridiculous piece of paper between the door jamb and the lock trying to jimmy it credit card style. My neighbor watched in heavy amusement and said had he known this was the way to unlock doors he'd have just lent me his American Express. Ha ha.
Finally Charlie resorted to more advanced locksmith technology and popped open the lock. He called me "beautiful young lady" about nine times and wanted to know where my husband was at a time like this. I ignored him and paid him the $52.00 . Then I inquired if he was all right to get home. No lie, he looked like he'd fall over if I so much as breathed on him. But in all seriousness, Charlie was probably the nicest man I'd ever met in my life. He told me how Sprint had laid him off 7 years ago and it resulted in him going into business for himself. It wasn't a huge money maker, but it was his business and he believed in customer service. I could call him any time of night and he'd be happy to come by. Aw.
So, long story short, I got my blog story for the night. And a $62.00 bottle of wine that tastes an awful lot like a $10.00 bottle. From now on the door in my garage is staying unlocked. Or I guess we could just give the neighbor a key....