I had a lot to say today about something, but couldn't summon the energy to write it all down. So it will have to wait.
Instead, I will simply inform you that I am considering cutting my hair.
(Ooooh! Aaaahhh! This is news why?)
(It isn't news, really. This is a total cop out post. But I thought you should know.)
But seriously, hair is not a huge deal. To a man.
(Wash, dry, apply gel, burp, leave the house.)
To women (and I'm assuming most of my readers are of this variety) getting a hair cut requires more thought, preparation and consideration than starting a business.
There are strict rules a woman must follow when deciding to cut her locks more than 1/2".
Rules for Considering a Significant Hair Cut/Style Change:
1. E-mail husband/boyfriend/lover/best friend/roommates/Mom that you are considering a hair cut. Request opinions about your current hairstyle.
(And waiting until the lunch hour to submit their feelings is too long. You need answers now. Work can wait.)
2. E-mail pictures of what you're considering doing to your hair. Label as "HIGH IMPORTANCE."
Subject line: Can I Pull This Off?
3. Pull hair back in pony tail and "puff" out some hair to examine a make-shift chin bob. (Or stick your hair down the back of your shirt and do the same thing. You know exactly what I'm talking about.)
4. Get significant other's opinion. "It'll look fine" is not an acceptable answer.
5. Wash hair and make sure you will not miss the feel of the length while conditioning it in the morning.
(I'm totally serious. I've had my hair cut before and cried when I felt the difference in the shower.)
6. Look at pictures from when your hair was different than it is now. Write down thoughts. In detail.
7. DO NOT go to the salon the day you first think you might want a haircut. Impromptu cuts always end badly.
(Unless you just got dumped. In which case, do whatever the hell you want.)
8. Try on your entire closet, including shoes. Will your new style make your toes look fat?
9. Buy ridiculous amounts of those glossy "HAIR!" magazines.
(Or just read them quickly in the Walgreen's magazine aisle. I'd rather be seen buying porn than teen hair magazines.)
10. Briefly consider bright red streaks of red through your new bob. Then (hopefully) change your mind.
After compiling this list, I realize I have only done 2 of the required rules.
Excuse me, I've got some shoes to try on. Must see if my toes will look chub-o.