Thursday, December 11, 2008

making the cut?

I had a lot to say today about something, but couldn't summon the energy to write it all down. So it will have to wait.

Instead, I will simply inform you that I am considering cutting my hair.

(Ooooh! Aaaahhh! This is news why?)

(It isn't news, really. This is a total cop out post. But I thought you should know.)

But seriously, hair is not a huge deal. To a man.

(Wash, dry, apply gel, burp, leave the house.)

To women (and I'm assuming most of my readers are of this variety) getting a hair cut requires more thought, preparation and consideration than starting a business.

There are strict rules a woman must follow when deciding to cut her locks more than 1/2".


Rules for Considering a Significant Hair Cut/Style Change:

1. E-mail husband/boyfriend/lover/best friend/roommates/Mom that you are considering a hair cut. Request opinions about your current hairstyle.

(And waiting until the lunch hour to submit their feelings is too long. You need answers now. Work can wait.)

2. E-mail pictures of what you're considering doing to your hair. Label as "HIGH IMPORTANCE."

Subject line: Can I Pull This Off?

3. Pull hair back in pony tail and "puff" out some hair to examine a make-shift chin bob. (Or stick your hair down the back of your shirt and do the same thing. You know exactly what I'm talking about.)

4. Get significant other's opinion. "It'll look fine" is not an acceptable answer.

5. Wash hair and make sure you will not miss the feel of the length while conditioning it in the morning.

(I'm totally serious. I've had my hair cut before and cried when I felt the difference in the shower.)

6. Look at pictures from when your hair was different than it is now. Write down thoughts. In detail.

7. DO NOT go to the salon the day you first think you might want a haircut. Impromptu cuts always end badly.

(Unless you just got dumped. In which case, do whatever the hell you want.)

8. Try on your entire closet, including shoes. Will your new style make your toes look fat?

9. Buy ridiculous amounts of those glossy "HAIR!" magazines.

(Or just read them quickly in the Walgreen's magazine aisle. I'd rather be seen buying porn than teen hair magazines.)

10. Briefly consider bright red streaks of red through your new bob. Then (hopefully) change your mind.


After compiling this list, I realize I have only done 2 of the required rules.

Excuse me, I've got some shoes to try on. Must see if my toes will look chub-o.

9 comments:

alissa said...

ooo send me pictures! i love hair debates. i had many weeks worth of struggle and debate over these bangs...

erin said...

cut it. do it. do it. do it.

Grandma Joy said...

Do not cut your hair.

Anyone who tells you to do it is wrong! And probably jeolous.

Men love long hair.

Long hair is something you can only have when you are young. Ever see an old lady with long hair who actually wears it long?

Your hair is beautiful.

If you get a (yawn) short bob you will look like every other surburban mother who already has one. Hell, 3 of your husband's aunts wear a chin length bob. Wanna look like us?

I am telling you the truth.

Don't do it!! I'm telling ya!

Brad's Aunt Joy

little miss optimist said...

you are hilarious. if your hair still looks like it does in your profile picture, it already looks really, really good!

LuLu Jamais Vu said...

Ah crap, I was totally going to chop my hair and I have not done all those things! Advice to make you feel better about chopping...if it's long enough, try to donate it. Even if it looks bad short, at least you can sleep at night. That's my plan anyways, I'll let you know if it fails. :)

Dolce said...

Wow...you're not talking about taking a few inches off.

I'm scared to death to cut my hair. Too many stylist have screwed with this curly haired girl's fro.

Jamie Lovely said...

No no noooo. Long hair! Don't cut it!

I'm a complete spaz about my hair. It's super long and I freak getting a couple inches taken off.

Missie said...

I thought you cut off most of your hair like a month ago! You did dye it dark though or am I just going nuts????? Anyway, do whatever you think looks good, its not like Brad can dump you for having short hair!! But, just remember if you still want to have a baby, get short hair then, that way you dont have to deal with it in the AM and your child wont pull on it all the time!!!

Courtney said...

Seriously, you absolutely crack me up, and I love it! Yes, I do know exactly what you are talking about with the "testing out the look" (making a make-shift bob) I really laughed out loud at that one. And I've experienced the shock of shorter hair when washing it as well. So... did you come to any decisions?