Thursday, December 4, 2008

move over charlie brown, there's a new block head in town

It's possible that I have neglected this blog for the last week. What can I say? I had a holiday, I traveled all over with Hubs and the girls, and I got a little sidetracked.

But no need to fear, I have returned. And I am ready for full on bells-and-whistles holiday mode.

Except I don't have a Christmas tree.

Our country is officially in a recession (like, duh) and after seeing the killer Black Friday ads last week, I assumed that finding that holiest of holy Christmas items would be:

a) super easy
b) crazy cheap

(I trust I don't have to tell you what happens when I assume.)

Yes, my mother-in-law did graciously offer to give us her beautiful (and practically new) 7' artificial tree. But I just knew I could find one on my own.

(I'm really like a cave man. It's the thrill of the hunt. The splendor of finding the item you want, adding up all the discounts and bringing it home, slung over your shoulder like a prize deer. Ew. Never mind. I'm not like a cave man at all. Maybe just a screw-loose shopper who thinks like a cave man?)

I ignored Hubs' tree-shopping hesitations, forced him into his coat, and we were off.

And we found loads of trees ripe for the buying.

(Unfortunately they all vaguely resembled green caterpillars on a bad hair day.)

Truth be told, I probably could have settled for an ugly, cheap tree. But inside me beats one of the most idealistic (and unrealistic) hearts you'll ever see.

Our family Christmas tree simply cannot be sub par.

After all, the Christmas tree is where all of the magic happens!! It's where our daughters will receive their favorite gifts of all time. It's where our family will gather and grow and share memories each year.

(It's where my picture will be taken each time I try on my new diamond earrings/bracelet/necklace. I can't have ugliness behind me. It would ruin the moment.)


Anyways, after two hours and four stores, only one tree truly fulfilled my holiday desires. It was lush and green (and pre-lit. Yay!), tall and majestic, and somehow even somewhat familiar to me. Like I'd seen it before. Maybe in my dreams?!

(Too bad it came complete with a nightmare of a price tag.)

I could have my perfect family Christmas tree for $300.00.

Excuse me? Hell no.

I fervently attacked the display model. I sniffed around the tree like a drug dog, searching for the big tag that would break down my discounts in easy-to-understand mathematical pictures and phrases. Something like:

In-store Rebate- $50.00
Mail-in Rebate- $30.00
Customer loyalty rebate- $40.00
"We're in a Recession" discount- $30.00
New Credit Line discount- $20.00 (I am more than willing to open a new credit card if I get savings. That's just good business.)

You pay: ONLY $129.99

I found no card. It was really $300.00.


(Should I make a list of all the fabulous consumer goods I could buy with $300.00? Like, I could get a camcorder and record us (meaning Hubs) chopping down a for real tree...and have money left over! Granted, there would be pine needles all over our carpet, but I could use the left-over money to have the carpets cleaned...)


After my fruitless search for the discount tag ended, I admitted utter and complete defeat. But Hubs was there to console me. And to pick up the pieces of my sad, idealistic heart.

And also remind me that I had turned down his mother's offer to give us her Christmas tree 48- hours prior. And not just any tree.

The exact one I just picked out.

Then, Hubs graciously picked my jaw off the floor, placed it back on my face, and took me home.


Adriana said...

You should get a semi small to medium real tree this year then pick up your ideal fake tree after Christmas when they mark them down on sale.

Leah said...

Hahaha! I can sympathize. This year we have what looks like a replica of Charlie Brown's Christmas tree, except it's fake, and came already set up in a silver metal bucket. It's ugly, but you have to love it a little when you see it.