Monday, January 5, 2009

must. keep. head. above. water.

I have way too much to do.

The holidays turned me into one of the laziest, no desire to do anything except eat sugar cookies and drink egg nog people on the planet. I'm really been trying to get motivated.

(Usually new things that arrive in wrapped packages from Hubs will do that for me, but since Christmas already happened, and I haven't done anything present worthy for several months, that avenue is closed.)

So...a blog award will have to do instead. I have finally earned one!!!

(Rahh! Cheers! Hooray!)

(What? You got a blog award? They give awards away for talking non-stop about pointless conversations with your Hubs and rambling about shoes?)

Yes. They do.
Yes. I did.

In this case "they" that gave me the award is not People or Us Magazine, but is instead a fellow blogger, which to me, is the jewel in the crown.

Adriana was kind enough to honor me with the "Honest Scrap Award."

(I have no idea what that means and I keep thinking it's a misprint for the Honest Crap Award. Either way, it's recognition.)

(Bloggers can't be choosers. )

(That was an awesome play on words, PS.)

Anyways, apparently I am to spill 10 things about myself that are truly provoking and then bestow this award onto 7 other bloggers that I find worthy. The latter will be easy. The former... not so much.

(I'll be honest, I'm going to have to dig deep on this. I've already told you guys almost everything about myself, save the truly, truly awkward and embarrassing. I might have to break that arsenal out today.)

Don't say I didn't warn you.

10) When I was in 4th grade, a bitch of a 6th grader named Misty Mayer (I know, she sounds like a porn star) kicked me off of the swing set because she wanted it. I stood up to her and she called me loads of potty words.

I totally Jackie Chan'd her in the crotch with my knee, and she punched me in the stomach. We were both sent to the principal's office and she defended herself by saying, "Kim kicked me in my privates." To this day, I wonder why she used a plural.

On a side note, she got in trouble and I didn't. I'm a bad ass.

9) In 1996, I had the worst experience one could EVER have in Wisconsin at the
Devil's Tower National Monument. It involved sacred Indian ground, my mother bawling and lots of people laughing hysterically at me.

One day I just might have the guts to post the story. But probably not.

8) I have had a horrific re-occurring dream since I was 6 that I am sliding down a slipper slide from my grade school. But it is no ordinary slide. When you reach the end, you either fly up into heaven, or keep on going down into the depths of hell.

In my dream, I am always just about to reach the end of the slide and I wake up.

(Clearly God has not decided if he wants me yet.)

7) I determined Hubs was good enough for me because he knew which movie this quote came from:

"It's like they cloned some party back in 1983 and kept spinning it out again and again and again. I loved your ideas on the Squeezy Doll line."

6) Once...when I was very, very, very drunk and very, very, very stupid...I tipped a perfectly innocent person's motorcycle over at 3:00 in the morning.

(I think I know the results of #8 from now on.)

5) There are at least 10 people that I have as friends on my Facebook from high school that I cannot stand.

4) I am a ginormous snoop. Especially when it comes to my ex's. I love to know what my former flames are up to.

(Not because I still love them, and certainly not because I want anything to do with them.)

It's really just morbid, awful, incurable curiosity. Are they dating? married? miserable? happy?
I must know. At all times.

(One exception is the ex that made me miss my effing Junior prom. I don't care if he falls off the earth. We can talk about that more later.)

3) Cheese is like an aphrodisiac for me. Especially sharp cheddar.

2) I have to have nail polish on my toes. And fingernails.

1) When Hubs and I took our pre-marital classes, our d-bag of a Pastor told us we would likely divorce someday because Hubs came from a "broken home."

(For the record, Hubs parents are simply divorced. If that's a broken home, I'm a prostitute since sometimes I buy shoes with money that Hubs has earned.)

(In addition, I don't have a problem with most Pastors. Just the dude that did our wedding.)

I will now bestow this award onto the following bloggers:

Alissa at
Grace's Birdcage Wedding
Lacey at
Lacey In Love
My favorite Little Miss
T over at
Little Miss Kansas
Courtney at
Under a Paper Moon
Andy at
Wild ARS Chase

That's only 6 people. Oh well.

Yay for awards! I am now motivated. To go eat some cheese.


Adriana said...

Hmmm...we are friends on facebook...and we went to high school together...see #1 from my award post (over analyzing)...J/K. Hope you had a good holiday break and I hear you about the lack of motivation.

Andy said...

Thanks for the award- now I feel motivated, too. I'm glad we recently found each other's blogs, especially with your propensity to reveal embarrassing secrets.

little miss optimist said...

I tried to leave a comment but it wasn't going through, so I don't know if it worked. I tried like 5 times, so you may get five of the same comments! Basically, thanks for the award, you always make me laugh, and Ex rides a motorcycle so I especially liked your tipping of the motorcycle story :)

Courtney said...

Oh, these were, as always, hilarious! And, way to go, attacking Misty the Bully in the "privates" ;)

Thanks for passing along the award. I will have to do some thinking on my answers!