Wednesday, January 7, 2009

a round of....not applause

Everyone has embarassing moments. But I can assure you, I have more than most.


It seems to be my lot in life that I am to be involved in situations which require me to become beet-faced and cry at least 10 times a year.

(So why I chose a profession in which I am required to speak in front of large groups of people on a daily basis, I will never know.)

My blogging buddy Tova seems to share this same plight with me, and uses her blog each Tuesday to share her awkward experiences. I'm going to attempt to follow in her footsteps and tell you one of my awkward stories each week*.

(*when I remember to)

Today's story takes us back to a particularly nice year - 1989. I am eight years old, and my elementary school has planned a special assembly for all the students.

(Remember assemblies? Didn't you just LOVE them? I particularly enjoyed when they interrupted science class. Or gym. On chin-up day.)


So, there I am with my best buddy Erin, filing into the tiny gymnasium, our index finger pressed over our lips because we got in trouble for talking in line.

We take a seat on the floor with the other students in the school and await the principal's opening remarks.

Our principal announces that the lead reporter from WIBW television is going to be reading us a story!!!

(I distinctly remember scratching my head as Report Lady took to the stage in her bright red blouse. I had no clue what a lead reporter was, or why she was taking away from my recess in order to read 200 squirming kids a story.)

Ms. Reporter Lady takes a seat in a chair and greets us, gushing about what beautiful children we are and how reading is very, very important.

(Blah blah blah blah. I already know this. I am totally into The Babysitter's Club and in love with Logan.)

Then Ms. Reporter Lady begins to read the story. Her voice is like honey. I glance over at Erin and decide this isn't so bad.

In fact, this story is quite good.

Actually, it's really good. I am very into it. Ms. Reporter Lady even uses fun voices for the different characters. And she has very nicely coiffed hair.

I decide I like Ms. Reporter Lady.

I become so enamored with the story and Reporter Lady that I totally lose all sense of where I am, what I'm doing and who is around me.

Then, in one final exasperated sentence, Ms. Reporter Lady finishes her story, as the last word hangs in the air.

The gymnasium explodes with applause and I'm eager to applaud, too.

But I don't.

I don't know if I was so wrapped up in the story that my nerves weren't functioning properly, or if my brain just wanted to play a sick joke on me. For whatever reason, rather than putting my hands together in a simple applause motion, I instead rapidly place both hands






Ya know, like I'm riding down the big hill on a roller coaster and screaming "WHEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!"

There is no reason for me to have my hands up in the air. But there they are.

(At least if I had only one hand up, I maybe could have convinced those around me that I was simply trying to get the teacher's attention to go to the bathroom.)

I am sitting cross-legged, on the gym floor, with thunderous applause around me, and both of my arms are in the air.

And I can't put them down.

I am frozen.

The applause eventually ends. But my hands are still up. Reaching for the sky.

Finally, after a few more seconds, I am able to lower my arms.

Afterward, no one ever actually said anything to me about the incident. I wasn't mocked or made fun of, and my hope is that maybe, just maybe, Ms. Reporter Lady was so pretty and so captivating that no one noticed me shoot my hands up in the air like I was part of a stick-up.

I don't clearly remember if this ever happened to me again as a child. I do, however, know it did happen once as an adult. But it was at a concert, so I blended right in.

Thank God.

Got an embarrassing, awkward story? You can share on your blog and link to me, or dish your story in a comment.

Let's all heal together...


alissa said...

haha thats a fabulous story! I was sooo a babysitters club fan. best books ever.

also random side note - through like the endless comment/new blog/comment new blog trail i found tova's blog last night! what a small world it is.

Tova Darling said...

Ahahahaha! That's hilarious.

Also, interesting side note - my best friend when I was 8 was also named Erin.

Dr Zibbs said...

HAhah. Good one.