Friday, January 16, 2009

weird science

Hubs and I love movies. It's (literally) an integral part of our nightly routine.

(Well, movies and arguing over who has to do the dishes.)

We eat on TV trays (while the perfectly awesome kitchen table we paid really good money for acts as a holder for mail, receipts, coupons, coats, bills and crap from work), turn on the TV and watch a movie. Easy. Simple.


Generally we can decide on something rather quickly, but lately Hubs has been obsessed with "educating" me on allegedly life-changing 80's movies.

(Don't get me wrong, I love the 80's. I do. I owe John Hughes many thanks for introducing me to most my childhood celebrity crushes. BUT. The 80's had a little tiny problem with technology. Like, they didn't have any. So unless the movie has super duper amazing content that I can't turn away from, or amazingly hot guys (i.e. Josh Brolin in "The Goonies"), I probably didn't see it because I wasn't into neon lazers and claymation. Sue me.)

(Oh, and I was totally sheltered growing up, too. So, a lot of movies I should have seen I was not permitted to watch. Like anything involving Freddy Kruger. Or sex.)

As you can probably imagine, my movie knowledge of the 80's is rather limited. The movies Hubs gives me the most crap for not having ever seen are as follows:

Weird Science
Real Genius
Sixteen Candles (In my defense, I do not like Molly Ringwald. I'm sorry, I just don't.)
License to Drive
Beverly Hills Cop I, II, and III (and probably IV, V, and VI if they exist. I don't know.)

So...a few weeks back, almost every one of these shows was available on television for us to watch. I somehow allowed myself to be talked into watching almost every one of these films.

Including Weird Science.

Oh. My. God.

Aw. Ful.

I know many of you will probably be completely offended by my lack of oohing and ahhing over this movie. I just didn't get it.

(Although I will say, the model in that movie was top notch attractive. Even for back then. But really. The acting? Bad. The effects? Ridiculous. The disgusting bad guys on motorcycles coming to eat all the guests? Kinda cool. )


After the movie finished, Hubs stared at me expectantly, I guess hoping for me to say,

"THAT WAS SO AMAZING! I can't believe I spent all of my childhood existence NOT having seen that movie!"

Instead I just rolled my eyes.

But the movie got me thinking. If there was a way to make the perfect girl out of magazine clips, beeps on a computer screen and a Barbie Doll, what would she look like in the year 2009?


Clearly we can't just go on looks. There are lots of altered gorgeous people on this planet that act like total martians.

(Ahem. Angelina.)

No...nowadays the perfect girl would have to have it all. Looks, brains, persona, bravado, energy and confidence. If I made myself into the perfect woman that Hubs would never tire of, here's the pieces I would use.

1) Beyonce Knowles: I mean really. She's just rad. The hair and the clothes and the teeth can all be bought, but you can't buy that voice. If I could sing like that, I'd be crooning to Hubs every night. And if I could make my booty dance like a bowl full of jelly, that would be awesome, too.

2) Pink: I have a huge lady crush on this woman. Talk about confidence. I love everything about her. She can kick your ass and sing you a lullaby all in the same breath. And it's magical. And she sings really awesome break-up songs. Which would have come in handy about 349,384 times in 2002, 2003, 2004 and 20055.

3) Oprah: Mainly the Oprah of the late 90's, when she had really good shows. Not the Oprah of today who talks about elevating my spirit and finding my inner peace. Whatevs. I love the Oprah who was insecure about herself, but shared it with the world anyway. That kind of vulnerability is attractive. I also dig Oprah's drive. Ope's came from poverty, but she used her brain and determination and got herself out of it. She's a smart cookie, talented and knows it. And she never let the glass ceiling stop her.

4) Maya Angelou: Did you really think I wouldn't have a writer in here? Please. I would have said Carrie Bradshaw, but she's fictional. And kind of slutty. I'm obviously a sucker for the well written word, and Maya's pretty much got it down to an art. She was years ahead of her time about issues that are still going on today. She's wicked cool.

5) Bella Swan: Okay, I'm reaching, but hear me out. She's not afraid to look past the flaws (and by flaws I mean blood-sucking tendencies) in a person and love them for who they are. Yes, it helps that the person is drop dead gorgeous, but still...shouldn't we all be like that?

And there you have it. My 2009 version of "Weird Science" and the perfect woman. Not bad, eh?

I'd date her.


Ambles said...

Love this blog post!

I too was sheltered as a child. Seriously, me and my siblings were not allowed to watch Rugrats because the characters disobeyed their parents. Those were not easy times, my friend!

Bean said...

Wow - Bella Swan. I just finished my 1 week addiction to that series. I barely talked to Luke for a whole week just so I could find out what happened. I have a problem with savoring a book over time. :)