Monday, April 13, 2009

allow me to make you rich

WANTED: Inventor

Credentials/experience required: Automobile experience helpful.

Requirements: Create a car accessory that honks/screams/yells at me if I put my vehicle in drive when attempting to reverse out of a parking spot.

Compensation: Negotiable

WANTED: Inventor/Medium

Credentials/experience required: Familiarity with the supernatural preferred.

Requirements: Provide me with the psychic ability to know if the client I just met saw me trip over my own feet and almost take a nosedive into the pavement.

Compensation: Everything I own

Wanted: A Muscle Head/ Bull Sh*tter

Credentials/experience required: An ability to talk to big wigs who think they know everything is preferred, but extensive experience in Jujitsu will be considered as well.

Requirements: Convince the no-brain ass clowns at Fox that "Prison Break" is a good show and need not be cancelled. "Lie to Me" has all the excitement of watching my toenails grow. WHY NOT CANCEL THAT?

Note: Physical persuasion a la Jack Bauer may become necessary.

Compensation: A squinty look and heavy-muttered "thank you" from Michael Scofield.


alissa said...

i never told you that i invent car parts! arent you in luck. i should have something to you by thursday.

K @ Blog Goggles said...

Haha, love these. I could totally use a number 2, also :)

Kellie said...

I could use that #2 employee as well. I constantly almost face plant. It's amazing I haven't broken anything actually.

Anonymous said...

I call dibs on being #3! I have something that most people would like to call built up rage and aggression. I love kickboxing and my fmily tree has 3 professional boxers in it! I also enjoy talking down to people that think they are "in charge" and know everything! Proving those types of people wrong makes my day. Please Kim I am begging hire me! The only pay I will ask for is, when I get arrested you bail me out.

drollgirl said...

ahahahha! you are too much!!!! and you could not pay me to watch rescue me. BARF. but i hear prison break is good.

Adriana said...

Taking orders too? I would like a number 1 also...can they watch for when you parallel park also?