Wednesday, April 15, 2009

if you question your sanity, that means you're sane, right?

I love my kitty. For real. He makes me smile when I am sad, he makes me feel loved when I am lonely and he pisses me off when he wakes me up by chewing on my toes.

I think that how you interact with a pet is a somewhat good indication of how you will be with a small child.

And that's why I'm worried.

Lately, I've been paying attention to some of the things I say to my kitten.

I am beginning to understand why Hubs thinks I'm bonkers.

Here are some of the more psychotic phrases I say to Cupcake on a regular basis:

"Cupcake, why won't you be a kitten? BE A KITTEN, Cupcake!"

-Okay, clearly, he is a kitten. No amount of trickery or wizard sorcery is going to change him into a goat or a snickerdoodle, nor do I want him to be either of those things. But when he doesn't pay attention to me, I find myself telling him to be a kitten. WTF?

"Are you my lover? You are aren't you? You're my baby lover!"

-Why would I ask my CAT if he is my lover? And a baby lover at that? I should only have one lover, yes? I'm sure Hubs is more than willing to step up to the plate on that one. And I doubt he likes me asking my kitten to fill his spot.

"Go and see Papa! He loves you so much! Go, go! Go see PAPA!"

This is how I tell Cupcake to go and hang out with Hubs. Is Hubs gray or carrying around an oxygen tank? No. Did he grow up on with the Ingalls family on "Little House on the Prairie?" Um, negative. SO WHY AM I REFERRING TO HUBS AS PAPA to our cat??? I'll be honest with you, sometimes I even pronounce Papa as "Pah-Pah". Seriously. Like my cat is a cast member in Oliver Twist or some ridiculous shit like that.

"My little loo loo kitty catty is such a good baby lover! You're a little loo loo lover cakes!!"

I'm not even going to touch this one.

"BE MY LOVER, Cupcake! WHY WON'T YOU BE MY LOVER?"

This is very similar to the first and second ridiculousness that I metnioned. But I do it all. the. time. Do I really want my cat to be my lover? No. But I do want him to snuggle with me and let me pet him. It's unbelievable that an animal has so much power over me. God help Hubs and I when we have a baby.

Can you imagine the looks I'll get at Target when I'm asking my 2 month old baby to please be my lover??? Jayzus.

12 comments:

alissa said...

at first i thought this was a post about talking to your cat - which i firmly believe is normal and necessary. but youre saying weird things kim, so youre on your own here :)
i make up new names for grace on a regular basis which probably confuses here a little.

Judith said...

I see myself reflected in your seemingly disturbing cat-babble. I do it all the time. You are not alone.

Highlights of my conversations with Maia:

'Who's my little kitten schmitten girl?'

'Fluffle-tuffle.'

'Morning Maia-muffin-puffin!'

'Schmuffle, where are you hiding?'

I like to think of that last one (schmuffle) as yiddish-chic. Well, it's one of my faves, anyway.

M.Kerkmann said...

Definitely not alone. I'm working on weaning three kittens right now... and they are the epitome of adorable kittens.

Glad I'm not the only crazy one...

Kellie said...

I talk like that to my dog all the time. He's my little baby snuggle bunny. :)

Anonymous said...

After reading this, I have realized I say some weird stuff to our cats, dog and turtles (even though they are under water and cannot hear me) But, I also realized we dont say to weird of stuff to our daughter. You and Brad will be great parents, and just to reassure you, you havent said anything creepy to your youngest niece yet! So hurry up and have a little one. Brent and I really want to get rid of all the baby stuff crowding our house that we have saved for you!
Miss

Ambles said...

LOL. I don't think my behavior to animals is AT ALL related to the way I am with tiny babies...

But maybe that is because my dog is too big to carry around with me everywhere I go?

Anonymous said...

Don't worry Kim, you're not alone... Bess sings to Penny ALL the time!

"Penny, you're my lover girl."
"Sweet little lover girl, Penny."
"Penny you're so sweet and little and fluffy, and little, a sweet little fluffy girl."

BJMAR13 said...

Kim do you remember our dog?? Do you even REMEMBER saying

"loo loo with the by the for the!"

We have issues with pets...it's not just you Kim. It's the whole damn family.

BJMAR13 said...

Kim here is the answer to your question please show the world.

http://www.uwm.edu/~jrb5/cat_proximity.png

LENORENEVERMORE said...

That's hee-heelariouS!
I talk sign langguage to my pets!!

Up Rooted said...

Don't worry I say weird things to my dogs. Like "who's the big girl are you the big girl" and "Oh mommy loves you" and I make up crazy songs about the dogs. But they're wagging their tails the whole time I'm singing to them so I think its ok. My husband laughs at me but sometimes he says crazy stuff to them too.

Dutch donut girl said...

OMG! This post is just too funny.
I have a cat, but I never ever ever called him my lover.
But I do baby him.