Tuesday, April 7, 2009

reduce, reuse, rethink what you do in front of your boss

It's Tuesday!

Since I've been neglecting posts of substance lately, the least I can do is share yet another awkward moment with you from days gone by.

This time though, we aren't traveling back eight or nine years. Today's awkward moment comes from less than two years ago.

(It's also about my job which I very, very rarely blog about.)

(Not because I don't have anything nice to say, just because it's become my "policy". This blog is not anonymous so I have to tread lightly in some areas. One day when I write an anonymous blog and say whatever the eff I want, I'll let you know. And then you'll have to look at all the 3 billion blogs on this planet and guess which one is mine.)

Okay, moving on...

So, it's December 2007. I've started a new job that I'm uber excited about. I've been flown down to the company headquarters to be trained in the products I'm selling. All is going well.

You know how training can be. Everyone is new to each other, no one is sure if they can drop f-bombs in front of the boss man or tell annoying stories about their kids. It's just awkward to begin with.

There I sit with two other trainees, hearing our new regional manager explain to us how important sustainability and environmental initiatives are in this company, and how the company President is very serious about it.

As part of the environmental initiative, the company has implemented a recycling program with plastic water bottles. The company recycles them and puts them into some of our products.

The technologically is super advanced (and expensive) and I get quite excited about it.

But I'll be honest with you. I have not always been an environmental abiding citizen.

In college, I was the a-hole that occasionally threw my newspaper in the regular trash when there was a special receptacle marked RECYCLE YOUR NEWSPAPER HERE, PLEASE!!! right next to it. Or sometimes I may or may not have thrown old clothes in the trash can rather than donating.

What can I say, I'm a work in progress.

Naturally, I don't let anyone in this meeting know that I am a semi-non-recycler. In fact, I begin to overcompensate and quickly explain how it just makes me so sick when I see people throwing plastic bottles away.

The meeting concludes and our regional informs us it is time for lunch.

We break away from our classroom and head into one of the conference areas where pizza and sodas await us.

Two other trainees and myself select our pizza and drink and sit down to discuss the day. We're all very excited about this job and the products we'll be selling, and we can't help but wonder what else the day has in store. Yadda yadda yadda.

Admittely, I get distracted in the conversation. I'm not paying attention.

My plate is gone, my drink is empty.

I stand up and continue to talk to one of the girls as I make my way over to the trash can.

(In my mind, the next few seconds take place in that super slow mo where everything sounds like it's under water.)

I toss my plate into the trash can, and before I can stop myself, I begin to throw in my soda bottle.


Right as I realize what I've done and watch the bottle fall in amongst the discarded plates and napkins, I hear a noise to my left.

I turn.

The company President has just walked in.


He smiles and says hello and explains that he's so happy all of us are visiting and he can't wait to see how things will progress in each of our territories.

I paste on a plastic smile (pun intended) and back against the trash can, begging that he has not seen my ultimate sin.

He nods to all of us, says he will see us later and leaves the conference room.

As soon as the door shuts, I turn to face the other trainees. They are looking at me as though I have released an atomic bomb.

Quickly I delve into the trash can and extract the plastic soda bottle. I walk swiftly over to the recycling bin and place it inside just as my regional manager comes back into the room.

His face lights up at me as he says, "Oh, good Kim! I'm certainly glad you're recycling that bottle! If Company President sees you throw away a plastic bottle in the trash, he will give you a talking-to that you do not want. I've seen it happen...not pretty."

I awkwardly nod and walk back to my group, who are doing all they can not to burst out laughing. I feel like a complete loser and am embarrassed beyond relief.

Then and there I swear to myself that I will get a recycling bin for our house so I can make up for all the horrible things I almost did with that one plastic bottle.

And I'll have you know that I have two large bags full of old clothes that I am planning to donate to Goodwill.

(Although some of the things in the bag are kind of dirty (meaning sexual, not dirty) lingerie from my years past. Should I clear those out before donating? I don't know how many people have a use for crotchless panties and bras that intentionally show off your nipples.)

Okay, now I wish this blog really was anonymous...

Have a wonderful Tuesday!


Lady Jane said...

Funny! I guess its a really good thing that your boss didn't see it!! Totally something I would do. I try to make my best effort to ge "Green" but sometimes laziness trumps. I try though. That counts, right? Thanks fo stopping by my blog, I hope to see you back!!!

Erin said...

mwahahahahahahahahahahaha thanks for the laugh bestie!

Former Fat Chick said...

Donate the nasty, just hink of the laughs of you see a homeless man walking down the street in you crothcless black teddy.....*ahhhhh* So wrong...just kidding

alissa said...

hahaha thats too funny! did he ever say anything to you?
one time a large group of people our office are standing around and our sustainability coordinator-type person asks if anyone has the latest issue of vanity fair- it was the 'green' issue.
i say 'oh- i had it! i threw it away yesterday'
and everyone looks at me like the devil that did not recycle my 'green' magazine.

BJMAR13 said...

Quote "I don't know how many people have a use for crotchless panties and bras that intentionally show off your nipples.)"

Kim...I never ever needed to know.......oh my god....just...jesus...

Smalls said...

That was funny!!