Tuesday, May 12, 2009

the awkwardness is moving, but not leaving!

Tova (who I send you to every week) is taking a bit of a hiatus from blogging to focus on work, her Hubs and other stuff.

(How dare she? And leave all this glory behind? Just kidding, she'll be back all in due time.)

That being said, today will be my last Totally Awkward Tuesday post for awhile.

Chill.

Don't rip your hair out and scream just yet. I'm still going to share my personal awful moments...it will just be on on Thursdays. I'll be joining a collective TMI Thursdays from Lilu over at her blog.

But that's for later, let's focus on today's awkwardness, shall we?
Off we go...

This moment was not ever publicly awkward...until now. I will, of course, keep the names private to protect the innocent.

(Or, in this case, not so innocent.)

I had a boyfriend while in college. He lived at home my freshman year and I would come to visit him there on weekends. He had a sister. She was a fantastic girl (and still is, I would assume) and I got along with her just swimmingly.

I'd like to think I was a good influence on her, as I was a bit of a prude and she was rather...curious...about things way beyond her years.

When I reached the ripe old and wise age of 21, she was 16. One weekend, Ex and I were hanging out in his parents basement, drinking beer and watching movies. I was somewhat inebriated.

Ex's Lil Sis arrived home from going to the movies with her friends. She was all lollipops and popcorn and cute as can be. She came downstairs to join me and Ex.

At some point, Ex left to do something non-interesting like go pee. Lil Sis quickly informed me that she had an important question. She wanted to know if I was a virgin.

Um.....

My answer was as honest and as appropriate as I could make it. I mean, she was 16. Is this something you talk about with a 16-year old?

I told Lil Sis that no, I was no longer a virgin but that I had waited until I was much, much older to experience that activity. I explained that if she was thinking about going down that path, she should really, really, really think about it and maybe wait until I was completely sober to consult me on such an important subject.

She thanked me and admitted that she looked up to me. She wanted my opinion on the s-e-x subject rather than all of her friends. (Who, by the way, were apparently doing things I didn't even dream about until I was in my mid-20's.)

Anyways.

Fast forward a year or so.

I came to Ex's house for the weekend (again). He wanted to go out with some buddies that night, and I opted to stay behind.

Ex's Dad was out on the town with friends, so I was all alone in the house. Eventually, I decided to just go to bed. I went into the guest room, put head to pillow and was out like a light.

Until...

At around 1:00 am, I was woken by the sounds of Lil Sis and her boyfriend coming into the house. I was groggy and tired and immediately tried to go back to sleep.

But I couldn't. Because I started hearing noises.

Kissing.

Movement.

More kissing.

Was that a moan???

I started freaking out. WHY would Lil Sis and boyfriend be making out when they know I'm only two rooms away?? And then it hit me.

They didn't know I was there.

Ex's car wasn't in the driveway when they came home, so they assumed I was with him.

They thought they were alone.

For the next 7-8 minutes (Lil Sis's boyfriend was clearly not experienced enough to last much longer) I was subjected to my Lil Sis and her boyfriend in flagrante delicto.

Ew. Ew. Ew.

And the whole Put-Your-Pillow-Over-Your-Ears move DID NOT WORK. I heard everything.

Several times I considered jumping out from the bedroom with my hands over my eyes screaming,

"I'M IN THE GUEST ROOM! PLEASE STOP FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!"

In the end I just waited for them to, um, finish. I eventually fell back asleep.

Like I said, this moment was solely awkward for me because I'm the only one who knew it happened. To my knowledge, Lil Sis still doesn't know that I am not only aware that she decided to refrain from being a virgin, but also witnessed the auditory confirmation of her adult-world status.

Awkward? Yes. Scarred for life? No.

That's reserved for when you hear your parents.



4 comments:

Tabatha said...

terrible. almost as bad as my biological little brother trying to tell me about his brand-new sex life and my newly-divorced father trying to chime in about his newly-resurrected sex life in the background. you can only block so much at once.

and sorry to hear about your job. you're right not to take it personally. everything happens for a reason. :) you'll figure out the reason some day.

LiLu said...

"That's reserved for when you hear your parents."

Or your grandparents...

So glad you're joining TMI Thursdays! Woot!

Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds said...

oh my goodness! I actually have heard one of my parents before, and trust me, it's much worse lol. I'll spare the details though, so don't worry haha. I too will be joining TMI Thursdays! See you there!

alissa said...

Yeah for LiLu! cant wait to hear more.
At least this wasnt the other way around - like you were that chic and realized that your bfs older sister had heard you guys etc.
still a little uncomfortable haha