in over my awkward head

You know what to do. Go see Tova. Details are there for you in black and white.
___________________

I had my first big crush in 9th grade. No, not the crush that comes when you see the guy in the hall and your heart goes pitter patter.

No, no, no.

This was an all day, all night, full blown, I'll-Never-Get-Over-You Four Alarm crush.

Seriously, I loved him.

He rode my bus (yes people, I rode the bus in middle school. You can get over it now.) and he was probably the most charming guy I ever met.

Unfortunately for me, I seemed to be stuck in the dreadful "Friend Zone" with Chum. (That will be his name for this post.)

This was not unusual for me. Throughout most of my teen years the majority of my relationships with guys were on a really intense friendship level. They asked me for advice about girls, told me I was the coolest chick on the planet and that they thought of me like a little sister.

Grrrr....you can't kiss your sister.

However, Chum had never actually told me he only saw me as a sister, so I held out some hope for him.

By some miracle of the Lord Jesus Christ, I ended up in Science with Chum in 9th grade, second semester. And we sat next to each other at an intimate table for 4.

(I went to church a lot that year to thank God personally.)

The other people at the table were one weird girl with a mullet and one guy who was one of Chum's friends and also happened to ride our bus. So, aside from the weird girl, our table was like a little bus tour.

So cute.

And meant to be. Clearly.

Anyways.

One day, as we sat in Science pretending to listen to the "haggard" man who taught it (that's an inside joke to anyone who took his class.), Chum decided to ask me a question.

Chum: Hey, Kim. What are your favorite bands? I've got a bunch of CD's if you want to borrow some.

Me: (oh my God, this is it...we are falling in love.) Um...I dunno. I love Dave Matthew's Band, Self, Our Lady Peace, Toadies, Flaming Lips.

Chum: Wow, I like all those, too! That's so awesome, you're a pretty cool girl.

Me: Thanks, Chum. I do my best.

Friend on Bus looks back and forth between us. He looks angry.

Friend That Rides Our Bus: (smirking) So, you and Chum really have a lot in common. That's cool. I bet you like all the exact same bands. But you don't like Chum that way, do you?

Me: Uhhh...no, no! I mean, c'mon, we're friends! He's my buuuudy! Right, Chum?

Chum: (awkwardly) Well, yeah. I guess. I mean. Yeah.

Friend That Rides Our Bus: Right, right. So, hey Kim, have you ever heard of the Electric Beatles?

(crickets)

(and silence)

Me: (Okay, I have never even come close to hearing of that band. Do I lie? Obviously Chum likes them if Friend is asking. SHIT! What do I say?) Uhhh..yeah! I've heard some of their stuff.

Chum: (glaring at Friend and speaking softly) Kim, you don't have to say you've heard of them if you haven't.

Me: No, no! I have! This summer one of my friends introduced me to them. I don't know their stuff like, really well, but I'd know it if I heard it.

Friend That Rides Bus: Sweet! Maybe they'll come to town this summer and we can all go.

Me: Wow, yeah. That would be amazing. Chum, would you want to go?

Chum: (frowning and further glaring at Friend on Bus) Yeah. Sure. It'd be great.

_____

Okay, so fast forward three weeks later. I had gotten so far in over my head on lying about the god damn Electric Beatles that it had taken over my life.

Chum and Friend on Bus had drawn up a logo on a piece of paper, and I had memorized it and drawn it all over my notebooks. I even brought up the Electric Beatles in conversations with other people.

("You mean you haven't heard of the Electric Beatles? Oh my God, they are amazing! Me and Chum talk about them in Science all the time.)

For awhile, I seemed to be getting away with it. This was before the days of hanging out on the Internet all day, so I really had no way to check my references on who this band was.

But it didn't matter. Chum and I had something to talk about.

One day, in Science, Chum wasn't there. He had the flu or something. I was stuck with Friend on Bus, and doing my darndest to ignore everything he said.

He got irritated. And decided it was time to humiliate me.

Friend on Bus: So, did you hear the Electric Beatles are coming this summer?

Me: NO! Oh my gosh!

Friend on Bus: Yeah, and they're going to ask Chum to play the drums for them, too.

Me: (confused) What? What do you mean?

Friend on Bus: Well, it's just a story, right? I mean, you know there's no Electric Beatles, don't you?

Me: (Oh shit.)

___

I just sat there. Like an awkward 15 year old girl who just found out she'd been had.

There was no Electric Beatles. There was no logo. There were no songs.

Now Chum knew I had lied to look good around him. And more importantly, he knew I wanted to be more than just a friend.

The next day at Science, Chum was there. No one said anything at the table (except weird hair girl asked for a pencil) but we all knew what had happened.

Chum glared at Friend on Bus the entire hour. And surprisingly, he was really nice to me and didn't make a big deal out of it.

Truth be told, I think Chum didn't want to participate in the whole gag to begin with. I think Friend on Bus was getting jealous that Chum was talking to me rather than him, and he decided to make me out to be a fool.

(Not a difficult task.)

Chum and I never got together, although I still think in my heart of hearts he did like me a teeny tiny little bit.

It didn't matter anyway, we stayed friends for a long time after that. He took me to and from school a few times in high school, and we traded CD's with each other constantly in those next few years.

I'll never know if the Electric Beatles ruined my chances with him. But at least he knows I would have said anything to make him think more of me.

And that would make anyone feel good.