I had a post all lined up for today. It mostly consisted of complaining about things around our house that have failed to work over the weekend.
Our vacuum cleaner smells like doo doo, the outlets in our bathroom don't work, the refrigerator is making ridiculously loud humming noise...etc, etc.
I was all ready to bust out the whiniest post you've ever read. But then, I got an email from my brother, and my whole sour puss post went bye bye.
My bro emailed to let me know he wrote a blog post about me today.
After reading it, I don't really know what to say.
(But I love to talk so I'll find something to say.)
Bro and I have always had a somewhat tumultuous relationship. He's three years my junior and growing up, we didn't always get along.
(Okay, even as grown ups we don't always get along.)
Until today, I was fairly certain he thought of me as a female Lucifer in heels. I mean, come on, we're brother and sister. Our relationship hasn't always been unicorns and rainbows.
There have been times that we aren't so fond of each other.
("You dropped my $12 lipstick in the toilet after you PEED!??? OH MY GOD, I am so telling Mom and you are never going to be allowed to pee again!"
Then again, there are times when we really, really like each other.
(Like on childhood family vacations when a creepy guy is checking me out at Mount Rushmore and Bro pretends to be my boyfriend for nine seconds (No, nothing gross. Arm across the shoulder, that's it.) and I swear my eternal gratitude to him.)
(Naturally ten minutes later I tell him he smells and I hate him.)
Bro and I have always done bang up jobs of getting on each other's nerves. So, as a general rule, I naturally assume Bro thinks of me as a part of his life dealt with on holidays. And maybe he and his wife secretly cast evil spells on me in their basement for all the times I pulled his hair and called him a Nintendo Addict.
Today I discovered I was wrong.
The following is the post my bro left on his blog this morning:
I know that the none of you that follow this blog are used to hearing me bitch and moan about the level of apathy towards respecting one's fellow man that general society has. However today, I've been going over some old photos of memorable events. This has made me draw the conclusion that I am NOT the sum of my experiences. But rather the sum of my experiences plus the guidance of many.
Today I want to thank one such person who has offered me guidance (although she might not know it.)
My sister, Kim.
Kim has always been a nearly perfect example of what I am not.
She's trendy, I'm not.
She's phenomenal (or so I think) with money. I still struggle but am getting better at money management with my wife.
She always has the right thing to say in a conversation. I put my foot in my mouth 90% of the time, and annoy people the other 10%.
You get the picture.
But Kim has always been this shining example of how I want to be. She always has this aura of confidence that makes all her choices and problems seem so easy to handle. You could say that she has an unnatural way of dealing with life, as it seems that nothing really bothers her, and I know this is quite the contrary for me.
As long as I can remember I wanted to have the same personality traits as my sister, and it was because of her I was able to throw off an apathetic attitude I had when I was younger and embrace what I needed to do to live successfully.
Now chances are I will never be as successful as my sister (what with her graduating college and all) but I know that I can always be successful for me and mine. Whether she knows it or not, she inadvertently motivated me to be a better person in my life and what do I have to show for it?
A beautiful wife.
A job I love.
A relationship with my mother and father (which used to be quite rocky).
And sometimes...just sometimes...I get to throw a good zinger in a conversation that makes everyone laugh.
Kim, you have been an absolutely wonderful sister, you are a still a shining example to me, and you will forever be my friend. I constantly look forward to thanksgivings and Christmas's, July 4th's and Memorial days.
I offer you a salute for always knowing what the right thing to do was and doing it, no matter the difficulty and I just wanted you to know, that having you as my sister has made me a much better man, and hopefully, brother.
Love you Kim.
After reading this, I have to say...my brother has a really, really warped view of how great I am.
As I read this post, several times I thought to myself, "I'm sorry, wait, is he talking about me?"
I mean, seriously.
I do not, in the least, know the right things to say in a conversation. I can't even count the number of times I've said something brilliant like:
"Have you seen Jill's hair today? Is it orange or tangerine?" only to find Jill standing right behind me.
Yes, for my job, I have to talk like I know my ass from an ant hill, but I am by no means phenomenal at it. In fact, most days I feel insecure and scared about the words coming out of my mouth.
I trip. I mumble. I say "povely lattern" instead of "lovely pattern." All. The. Time.
And as for my bro thinking I handle things well, and don't let things bother me?
HELLO!!!!! I think Bro needs to have a chat with Hubs, and he can easily put this misconception to rest. In a snap.
(Seriously, Hubs has wanted me to be put on meds for quite some time for my obsessive worrying and lack of grace under pressure.)
It's amazing to me that my brother compares himself to me in this way. Because I am really not that great.
I know it may sound like I am not appreciative of what my brother wrote, and that couldn't be further from the truth.
I am floored by his blog post. I am humbled by it. I feel very lucky to have a brother who would take the time to write something like this.
It just makes me realize that no matter how stupid or insecure you feel on any given day, someone out there may just think better of you than you do yourself.
Someone may be counting on you to keep your head high.
Someone may be looking up to you, even though you feel 3" high.
Someone may think you're pretty damn great.
(Obviously I know Hubs does. But he married me, so he HAS to think these things. Or I'll stab him.)
My brother doesn't have to respect me or give me any kind of credit for the person he's turned out to be.
But he does anyway.
I know that Bro is successful and a great husband because that's what he has inside of him. It has nothing to do with me.
(Well, maybe pulling his hair as a young child contributed to him wanting to be a cop with a gun and handcuff power, but that's simply conjecture.)
At the end of the day, I really have nothing to do with my brother's success. It's all him.
However, knowing he thinks I helped in any way makes me feel pretty special and appreciated.
I'll take that as a pick-me-up anytime. Especially on Monday.
Love you too, Bro.