Tuesday, September 8, 2009

thing's I don't do

I'm bored, so here's a little list of things you would definitely never catch me doing when I'm alone.

I definitely do not drink three Dr. Pepper's in a row. Ever.

I totally don't talk to a non-existent camera as though I'm on The Real Housewives of Kansas City. (eg "I'm meeting Jane for lunch. She's been crabby this week, so we'll see what happens. I'm hoping for no drama, though. My new Mark Jacobs bag is so hot.")

I would never sing "My Heart Will Go On" at the top of my voice in my best Celine Dion impression in the shower because the acoustics are better.

I definitely have never tested the acoustics in my shower vs. my living room.

I certainly don't practice my appearance on Oprah after my best-selling novel gets made into a movie trilogy.

I could never fathom eating Wendy's, Chipotle and Chili's all in the same day.

I never secretly wish I was a flamboyant gay man so I could snap when I talk and put glitter on my jeans.

I abhor at the idea of thinking up sneaky ways to get into movies free.

I could never turn into Rachel Zoe after watching her on Bravo. (eg "Hubs, I need more shoes OP-tions for our dinner with Mark and Julie on Saturday. Oh my God, I just looked on Piperlime and found this totally amazing gorgeous pair of black pumps that are BANANAS. I die.")

I most assuredly would never whisper sweet nothings to Edward Cullen as I drift off to sleep. ("Goodnight Edward. Take care of my heart, I'm leaving it with you....ZZZZZZZzzzzzzz.")

What are some things that you never do?


Allison said...

Haha, you are too cute. I would NEVER do the coke thing either..you definitely wouldn't see me drinking multiple cans before bedtime.

Tracy said...

I would NEVER meet a random guy in a bar and stay out with him drinking coffee at IHOP until 4AM on a school night.

Kim said...

I also have never tested the acoustics in my living room versus the ones in my bathroom. NEVER.

Kellie said...

I would never dance around my room w/ a hairbrush in my hand like a microphone and sing along to the radio. Nope. Never.

Anonymous said...

I have never put my finger in my mouth for some unknown reason or picked my teeth, only to get a sniff of what smells like straight @ss, and know right then and there, I either need to brush my teeth or find a piece of gum/mint stat! Nope, never!

alissa said...

i never stay up until 1am on a tuesday night watching rachel zoe project.