Monday, December 28, 2009

times, they're not a changin'

I've managed to surive 28 new years in my life, and they usally come along with the same new (or old, depending on how you look at it) promises.

Start running three miles a day.

Eat more fruit.

Drink less Dr. Pepper.

Recently though, I've come to terms with the fact that, in the new year, I will be more likely to:

Sleep in as long as it would take to run three miles.

Eat more Cheetos.

Double my Dr. Pepper intake.

But whatevs, I can accept that. I no longer feel the need to make gigantically huge proclamations about better health and living, when, in reality, I'm quite content with the way I live my life.

(This doesn't mean I'm completely resistant to change. After all, this year I took a huge gamble and changed jobs.)

(I didn't do it willingly, but still, I did it. Yay me!)

So, this year, rather than focusing on the thing I'm bound and determined to change, I'm going to make a list of things that will remain constant for me so long as I have air in my lungs.

And who knows, you just might see yourself in some of them.

Without further ado...until I die I will:

1) Need to count on my fingers the number of hours of sleep I received the night before (a la "7,8...wow, 9 hours is a new record!")

2) Require a calculator to figure out how old a celebrity/stranger/relative was when they died. Those 1937-2009 calculations are just way over my brain capacity.

3) Suck at math. Clearly.

4) Forget the name of the person I met three seconds after meeting them.

5) Run around at least three times a day screaming, "Where did I put my effing sunglasses!??" only to find them wrapped securely on my head.

6) Mentally whisper "please forgive me" to Jesus every time I drop an F-bomb.

7) Bark at my children that PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE...as I mentally condemn the bank teller to hell for taking so long with my deposit slip receipt.

8) Love my Hubs, children and cats more than life itself.

9) Require my mother's presence in order to feel better when I'm sick.

10) Wonder if Hubs' and my house will ever feel like "home" as much as the house I grew up in as a child.

11) Be very generous with forgiving, but very stingy with forgetting.

12) Wonder if there's a kick-ass novel inside of me somewhere, dying to get out.

13) Love hearing Hubs say "Bye, babe" at the end of every telephone call.

14) Keep adding to the number of awkward stories I still have in my memory banks.

15) Secretly know that I am the next American Idol/Top Model/Shear Genius/Real Housewife/Iron Chef - and that my limitless talents are simply reserved for my families entertainment.

16) Size up every female I pass in the mall and think, "I could never wear pull off acid wash black denim" or "Damn, I wish my arms were that skinny" or "Who let her out of the house in THAT?"

17) Always have a pile of clothes on the floor- unless company comes over. In case of which they will be shoved into a closet.

18) Never unpack on the same day I return home from a trip.

19) Continually try and be someone else, only to discover I'm always going to be me.

20) Question everything.


It's possible a miracle will occur and I'll post more than once this week, but in case I don't, have a great holiday and new year. And, dear bloggies, if your 2009 was anything like mine, keep in mind the phrase that always keeps me going: This Too Shall Pass.

2 comments:

drollgirl said...

this is a hell of a list! you are too much, and you don't need to change a thing as far as i can tell.

happy new year to ya. :)

Judith said...

Loved the list, girlie...I think I could claim a few of those in my own life! Happy New Year--and good riddance to 2009, aka the worst year EVER!!!! :)