Me: (plates, pans and silverware banging everywhere) Okay guys, it's almost done, I promise. Just a few more seconds!
Daughter #1: (sighing) What are we having again?
Me: Um, lasagna. You love lasagna.
Daughter #1: I do like lasagna. It smells good.
Me: (praising the back of the Barilla lasagna box) Good, I think you'll like it!
Daughter #2 (who is 6 years old): Guess what?
Me: (burning fingers on oven door) GOD DAM-, I mean MOTHER FU...golly gee that hurt. Tee hee. What were you saying?
Daugher #2: At school today they ran out of crack whores.
Me: I'm sorry?
Daughter #2: (examining her fingerprints on the table) At school. We ran out of crack whores. So I didn't have any.
Me: (scratching head with oven mitt) Um...well that's too bad??
Daughter #2: Yeah. I like them in chili.
Me: (speed dialing the school.) You like crack whor...OH!! (hanging up phone as the dots connect) Your school ran out of CRACKERS!!
Daugher #2: (in her best "no-duh" voice) That's what I said.
Note to self: remember that sometimes the sound "or" actually means "er".
Note to Hubs: Until your wife can understand the language of a child ages 2-7, she is not ready for a baby. Just sayin'.