Thursday, January 7, 2010

reason #6429 i'm not ready for children: i don't speak kiddo

Setting: Our kitchen. Step-daughters are patiently waiting for me to bring them their dinner. Lasagna and salad, thankyouverymuch.

Me: (plates, pans and silverware banging everywhere) Okay guys, it's almost done, I promise. Just a few more seconds!

Daughter #1: (sighing) What are we having again?

Me: Um, lasagna. You love lasagna.

Daughter #1: I do like lasagna. It smells good.

Me: (praising the back of the Barilla lasagna box) Good, I think you'll like it!

Daughter #2 (who is 6 years old): Guess what?

Me: (burning fingers on oven door) GOD DAM-, I mean MOTHER FU...golly gee that hurt. Tee hee. What were you saying?

Daugher #2: At school today they ran out of crack whores.

(crickets)

Me: I'm sorry?

Daughter #2: (examining her fingerprints on the table) At school. We ran out of crack whores. So I didn't have any.

Me: (scratching head with oven mitt) Um...well that's too bad??

Daughter #2: Yeah. I like them in chili.

Me: (speed dialing the school.) You like crack whor...OH!! (hanging up phone as the dots connect) Your school ran out of CRACKERS!!

Daugher #2: (in her best "no-duh" voice) That's what I said.

Me: Clearly.



Note to self: remember that sometimes the sound "or" actually means "er".

Note to Hubs: Until your wife can understand the language of a child ages 2-7, she is not ready for a baby. Just sayin'.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

That's not too bad, google sparkling wiggles on youtube.

ManoloChooLou said...

LMAO! Crack whores... I was about to ask what kind of school she attends.

風景 said...

Everyone fastens where there is gain.........................................

オテモヤン said...

オナニー
逆援助
SEX
フェラチオ
ソープ
逆援助
出張ホスト
手コキ
おっぱい
フェラチオ
中出し
セックス
デリヘル
包茎
逆援
性欲

Elizabeth said...

Oh my goodness, that is just too funny! Haha. Thanks for sharing. :)