Tuesday, April 6, 2010

paper, plastic or rubber?

Curiosity can do many things. It makes unattended diaries more interesting.  It makes a strange twist of wires look very appealing to a 3 year-old. It inspires your mind to discover things it never would have otherwise.

Curiosity also (or nearly) kills cats.

Allow me to explain.

Hubs' family was down in KC for Easter weekend and we took our annual trip to the Great Wolf Lodge for slides, water, arcade games and greasy food.  Our daughters and their cousins had a wonderful time, as did we.

Unfortunately, in order for us to stay at the lodge, our cats had to remain behind and wait for us to return home.

Maybe you have cats, maybe you have dogs.  Maybe you don't have any pets.  Let me just inform you that cats will get into everything, much the way dogs do.  Strings, paper, small Barbie toys, chocolate...they love it all.  But until this weekend, I never thought cats were into birth control.

Hubs, the kids and  I returned home from our weekend at Great Wolf and were greeted by our kitties with open paws.  They were so thrilled to have us home, and demonstrated by turning over picture frames, displacing piles of paper and scratching up the carpet by the stairs.

As I began dealing with the damage of the 2.0 cat-quake that hit our living room, Hubs went upstairs to unpack our bags from the weekend.

Hubs: (from upstairs) Oh shit.

(Hubs running down the stairs quite quickly.)
  
Hubs: (whispering in my ear) Okay, possible problem.

Me: Uhhh, what?


Hubs: (checking to make sure our daughters were out of ear shot) One of the cats ate something. Or at least possibly ate something.


Me: (immediately freaking out) Did Oreo eat a string again?  I CANNOT handle pulling it out of her butt again.  I almost died the first time.

Hubs: (shifting his weight uncomfortably) Um, no.  Not a string.  I think one of them ate...um...a condom.

Me: OH. MY. GOD. 

Hubs:  (sighing) I'm not positive they ate it, so let's not freak out.  I found an empty wrapper by the box, so I think it was at least, ya know...un-used.

Me:  I'm not even going to comment on how gross it would be if that wasn't the case.

Hubs:  (ignoring me) Okay, so we need to search the house.  You know they love to bat stuff around, so chances are it's somewhere here in the house and we just need to find it before they can get it again. (quietly) And we probably should make sure the girls don't find it.

Me: (to myself) Yes, Easter Sunday is probably not an appropriate time to explain the birds and the bees and rubber prophylactics.
 
(Twenty minutes later)


Hubs: I can't find it.

Me:  Me neither.

Hubs:  I don't know what to do.  I looked some info online to see what can happen if a cat eats one.  (sighs loudly) It could be really bad if it gets stuck in their intestinal track.  They could...not make it.

Me: (getting worked up) Okay, but we don't even know WHICH CAT IT IS!!! I mean, Oreo is the one who tends to eat things, but who knows, it could be Cupcake. It could be BOTH of them. Do we take them in and ask the vet to scan BOTH OF OUR CATS FOR A CONDOM???? Do we try to make them throw up?

Hubs: We're just going to have to wait for a little bit and see if they act strange in any way.

Me:  By strange, you mean does one of their stomach's squeak when they walk?

(24 hours later, after a call to Hubs' mom for advice, hours of searching on the internet for possible solutions, and multiple feedings to both cats to encourage bowel movements.)


Hubs: (From the kitchen) OH MY GOD, I found it!!


Me: PRAISE BABY JESUS AND ALL HIS FARM ANIMAL FRIENDS!  Where was it?


Hubs: Under the trashcan in the kitchen.  Oreo was batting at it, and I thought she was trying to reach some leftover food, so I lifted up the can, and there it was.


Me:  I'm so going back on the pill. And now that it's over and kind of funny, I'm blogging about it too.


Hubs:  Shocker.


Me:  It was almost a CAT-astrophe.


Hubs.  Oh my God.

4 comments:

BJMAR13 said...

You know...I think Egyptians worshiped cats as guardians to the underworld, because every cat has at least 10% SATAN in them.

cfoxes said...

You know....we figured out how to prevent that problem. But, I was done baby-making anyway.

ManoloChooLou said...

Your stories crack me up. Leave it to cats to play with a condom.

How was the Great Wolf Lodge? Back when I was in NE I'd always hear the commercials for it--the commercials are absolutely terrible/annoying.

alissa said...

OMG thats awful. i cant imagine how you'd explain that one to your girls if they found it before you -haha well, this thing the cat is choking on...well, its...see ok.