Monday night: Hubs and I walk to our car to go pick up some dinner.
Hubs: (digging keys out of his pocket) So what do you want for dinner, babe?
Me: (walking around to my side of the car) Um...I don't know. I had Mexican yesterday and I don't want a burger, so maybe some - OH MY GOD!!
Hubs: What? What's wrong?
Me: (leaning over to look at the grass) Our yard is covered in POOP!
Hubs: (waving his hands nonchalantly) Well, we share a yard with people that have a dog, babe.
Me: (beginning to hyperventilate) No! I mean like COVERED. It's EVERYWHERE! And they're all the same size! I thought the neighbors took their dog out to their backyard.
Hubs: (shrugging shoulders) Nah, I've seen them bring him out here every now and again. It can't be that bad.
Me: (incredulous) YOU. DO. NOT. UNDERSTAND. I have never seen so much poop in my life. (looking around neighborhood at other lawns) And it's in other lawns! Look! On the other side of the street. They have it, too!
Hubs: (looks around slowly. Hint of recognition comes over his face) Um...wait.
Me: (getting angry) You know what? It isn't our neighbor. I know who it is. (hands waving over my head) It's that craaaazy lady down the street that always walks her dog RIGHT next to our house and she never carries a plastic bag and she knows we're not home very much so I bet she intentionally-
Hubs: BABE! Are you talking about these? (Points to poop on his side of the car)
Me: (sad that Hubs is so slow) Yes, Hubs. Like I said. Poooooooop (waving hand grandly) everywhere.
Hubs: You mean these pieces of lawn that have been aerated throughout the entire neighborhood?
Hubs: (shaking head) The maintenance people aerated our lawn over the weekend. See all the holes in the ground? The "poop" is the dirt from the holes.
Me: (determined) There's no way.
Hubs: Look at all the other lawns. They look exactly like ours. Trust me, it's from aerating our lawn.
Me: (thinking) So...the Home Owner's Association doesn't take the time to WATER our grass or rip out the trillions of weeds, but they take the time to aerate it?
Me: So we have an already ugly yard made uglier by aeration in an attempt to make our ugly yard breathe better?
Hubs: Guess so.
Me: And we pay $300 a year for this?
Me: I'm moving to an apartment.