Monday, October 25, 2010

ring around the rosie, a wallet full of embarrassment

Today has already been a bit of a challenge.  I'd love to blame it on Monday, but if I'm going to be honest, my problems generally stem from my continued lack of concentration at any given time.

For example...

I drove to the gas station this morning to fill up (running on fumes is SO not a good idea when you're as disaster prone as myself). I have quite a few things to accomplish today (mostly due to a complete lack of planning and a large helping of procrastination) so my mind was, shall we say, otherwise engaged.

Speaking of engaged...

As I approached the gas station, I felt an unfamiliar emptiness on my left hand. Drat.  In my hurry to fill my car with gas and my stomach with Dr. Pepper, I had forgotten my wedding ring on the bathroom sink. This posed an issue because:

a) I am incredibly superstitious. Forgetting my wedding ring immediately filled my head with thoughts of "Does this mean I subconsciously think my marriage is in trouble so I left my ring behind to wake myself up?" or "Is Hubs secretly cheating on me and my seventh sense is picking up on his infidelity?"

b) If there was ever a creature of habit, I am one.  If I don't brush my teeth with the correct hand, my whole day is thrown off.  Not having my ring on my finger is just an invitation for a mental tail spin for the remainder of the afternoon.

c) My cats love sparkly items.  They thoroughly enjoy picking them up, chewing on them for fifteen minutes, and dropping them in somewhere in our house that I would never dream of going in a million years.  Like the laundry room. 

With all this in mind, it goes without saying that I was slightly preoccupied as I pulled into the gas station.  Ring was missing, deadlines were looming...I was distracted.

I put the car in park (so at least this isn't a runaway story again) and set the silver flappy thing on the pump so the car would fill up on its own. Checking that all was well, I grabbed my credit card, ran into the gas station and bought a Dr. Pepper.

(This all took less than a minute, because nothing gets in the way of me and my caffeine.)

I returned to find my car filled and ready to go. Amazing. I shoved the pump back in its cradle, grabbed my receipt, jumped in the car and took off, noting that my masterful quick skills had given me enough time to head home and grab my wedding ring before my next appointment.

And then I heard a thump.

Flat tire?

Did I hit a small child?

Did I run over a raccoon?

A quick check of my rear view showed nothing behind me. Looking over both shoulders, I determined it must have been an invisible rock.  And I didn't have time to check if the rock was hurt.

With the gas station a mere 100 yards from my house, I quickly backtracked up the road and retrieved my bauble from the bathroom sink, where thankfully it still remained.

As I drove back down the road, I had to smile at myself.  Here I was, engrossed with a million things on my mind, and I managed to come out ahead.  No injuries, I had my ring back, and I was running four minutes ahead.

Yay for me! 

At this time I happened to be passing the gas station from whence I had just come.  And I noticed something in the near empty parking lot.  An object, near where I had filled up.

What was that?

I almost decided to pass on by, assuming it was a bag of chips or candy left behind by a rude customer.  But something called to me.  So I pulled in.

And there, a mere 50 feet adjacent to the gas pump I had just utilized...was my wallet.

Oh my God.

Clearly my quick stop at the gas station had entailed me placing my wallet on the roof of my vehicle and leaving it there as I pulled away...hence the thump noise I heard earlier.

Embarrassed, I pulled up next to the wallet and attempted to discreetly grab the wallet.

"IS THAT YOURS???!!!" A young blonde gas station employee called to me from the entrance of the gas station.

"Uh, yeah, it must have fallen out when I left earlier! I've got it now, thanks!"

The girl laughed. How rude.

"We saw it from in here," she said.  "You took off so fast, it just flew off your car!  We thought about bringing it in, but assumed you'd come back for it.  I tried to get your license number, but you were going too fast!"

Well excuse me for not driving like Morgan Freeman in "Driving Miss Daisy".  I'm a busy girl.

"Yeah, I was just in a hurry," I replied. "Thanks so much for your help! I've got it now!" I waved the wallet in the air to confirm that all was well and she could go back to her People magazine.

But the girl didn't stop there.  Jesus, she was chatty.

"Well, if you didn't come back we probably just would've mailed it to you and kept whatever cash and credit cards you had at the store for you to come back and get.  Thanks goodness you realized it and drove back!"

I didn't feel like sharing with Barney Fife-tte that I had no clue my wallet was missing and likely wouldn't have realized it until I went to purchase a client lunch...which on an embarrassment scale would have registered off the charts.

Instead, I just smiled and waved, ducked back into my car and drove away.  Slowly.  Very, very slowly.


P said...

That. Was. Hilarious!!!

I'm sorry...

DD said...

Holy crap! Not that I'm happy that this happened to you, I'm just relieved that I'm not the only one...