Forget phone apps for Twitter and Facebook. I'm also not interested in purchasing pizzas through my phone or downloading an app to find the local weather in Tokyo. No. Away with you all.
Instead I am begging somebody, anybody, to invent a new app guaranteed to save the lives and careers of many a fast typer in this world.
This app needn't be fancy. Or pretty. It simply needs to interact with Blackberry, iPhone, iPad and htc phones. I don't know all the fancy legal jargon for what it should do, but it basically boils down to this...
I DON'T WANT TO LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT IN MY PHONE EMAILS.
Let me assure you, 99.99% of the time, I check my phone email responses with the careful eye of a New York times editor. I edit content, delete superfluous language and double double check spellings. But sometimes, I clearly don't edit carefully enough. And, naturally THOSE are the times I end up looking like a total and complete jack hole.
Like yesterday- this string of emails happened...
To: Kim Antisdel
October 4, 2010 11:12 am
I'm looking for a chair that would meet specifications for a busy cafeteria application. What ideas do you have?
Really Nice Designer That I Want To Impress
My response from my Blackberry...
From: Kim Antisdel
October 4, 2010 11:24 am
Hi, Really Nice Designer!
The Strive is a great option for heavy use cafeteria seating. There are multiple versions so if there's a sample you need, just let me know. I'll be farting all over the city today so I can stop by my storage shed and bring one by anytime!
And the response...
To: Kim Antisdel
October 4, 2010 11:15 am
Oops! Did you mean "darting"?
Designer Who is Laughing Her Ass Off and Showing This To All of Her Colleagues
When I received the client's email, I just sat there thinking, "what in the world is she talking about?" So, I scrolled down to re-read what I sent.
Oh my God.
I definitely just told a client I was FARTING ALL OVER THE CITY. Immediately I blamed my Blackberry's spell check. But, to be sure, I retyped the word "farting" into an email and sure enough, spell check did underline the word to warn me there was a misspelling. Apparently though, six small dots under the misspelled word is not enough for me.
Hence the iAppropriate app.
iAppropriate will revolutionize the spell check and grammar industry. iAppropriate can be (and should be) installed on all career-driven devices that support emails. When a questionable word that is spelled correctly (i.e. fart, toot, poop, pee, lick, dick....okay, you get the idea) iAppropriate will automatically recognize that word and notify its user with the following message:
WARNING: DO YOU REALLY WANT TO TELL THIS CLIENT YOU HAVE GAS???
In my case, the client knows me fairly well and was comfortable enough to call me out on my blunder. And of course it will serve as future fodder every time I go in and see her.
But seriously, if any of you bloggies know of a really great web-savvy person that could create this app like, yesterday, my reputation would very much appreciate it.
In other great news, I get laid on Friday.
I mean PAID.
Please, seriously. iAppropriate. NOW.