Location: A crowded Panera on Christmas Eve-Eve.
Mom: Honey, stand still, please.
Young Daughter: MOMMY!!!! I don't want to stand here. Is hot and cold!
Mom: I know, honey. It's hot in here, and when the door opens it gets cold. We'll move in just a second when the line moves.
Young Daugher: There's no line at McDonalds.
Location: The mall bathroom in Iowa.
Mom: Honey, STOP IT! Leave the toilet paper alone while Mommy goes potty.
Toddler Daughter: NOOOOOO! I want...I want...(glurb)...(huff and puff)...ice cream.
Mom: No, we're not having ice cream.
Toddler Daughter: WAHHHHHHH!!!!!
Mom: (voice spiraling into desperation) DO YOU WANT SANTA TO SKIP OUR HOUSE? Because he will, Haley. He will skip right over it and I won't stop him.
Location: In the check-out line at Target. Two teenage girls behind me.
Girl 1: Shit, was this watch $40 or $50?
Girl 2: Um, I think $40.
Girl 1: Is that too cheap?
Girl 2: I dunno. What's he getting you?
Girl 1: (sighs) I don't know. I told him I wanted an iPod.
Girl 2: Can he afford that, though?
Girl 1: Probably not. I can't really afford to get this, either though.
Girl 2: Then don't get it. You already got him the Blue Ray player.
Girl 1: Now it's fine, I'm putting it on my Target card.
Me: (slamming head into magazine rack)
Location: Sports store trying to exchange a gift for Hubs that was the wrong size....on the day after Christmas.
Me: (placing bag on the counter) Hi, I need to exchange this sweatshirt. It's the wrong size. I have a gift receipt.
Sales Girl: Okay.
Me: (laughing) The thing is, I have three different gift receipts for the same sweatshirt, and I don't know which one goes with this sweatshirt.
Sales Girl: (not amused) What?
Me: Okay, um,(considering drawing a picture) three of us all got this same sweatshirt for Christmas. I only need to exchange one, but I have three different gift receipts. See? (holding up all three gift receipts) I don't know which gift receipts goes with this sweatshirt. Can you figure that out?
Sales Girl: Okay. (typing...scanning...scowling...typing....scanning...scowling...typing...scanning...scowling) None of these gift receipt is right.
Me: That's impossible. These are the only gift receipts I have. Can you try again?
Sales Girl: No, I already tried.
Me: (shifting my weight from foot to foot) Well, does it really matter anyway? I have the tags on the sweatshirt still. Can't I just do the exchange for the right size?
Sales Girl: Oh. Yeah, that's true.
Me: (shrugging shoulders) It's okay, I probably made it more complicated than it needed to be.
Sales Girl: So, wait. Do you need a gift receipt for this, then?
Hope you all had a very Merry Christmas and have a wonderful New Year's!