Did you fall off the earth?
Did you hit your head on something and forget who you are?
No. (I don't think so, anyway.)
No, it's none of the above. We've been moving to a new house. Or rather, we've been trying to move into a new house. First we rented out our townhouse, only to discover we couldn't close on the new house soon enough. Therefore we moved to a weekly hotel for two week...THEN we moved into the new house.
In 120 heat.
It's been rad.
Between brown recluse spiders, delayed closing, a completely useless air conditioner and 3' tall grass, it's been enough to make Hubs and I question exactly what is was that we were thinking.
But then, early this week, we were finally able to begin the move into the house. So we rented a Uhaul, borrowed my parents for help, and started the move.
The night we moved the big stuff, the heat index was hovering around a pleasant 116 degrees. Totally optimal moving conditions. The four of us soaked our shirts, shorts and every other body part with sweat, going in and out of the Uhaul like ants. It wasn't fun.
After the first load, we all stood there contemplating whether anyone would mind if we just stripped naked.
Just then, I noticed movement from the corner of my eye. I turned to see two women walking up our driveway.
J: (waving) Hi there! We're your neighbors from across the cul-de-sac. This is A and I'm J.
Me: (thinking about the pool of sweat that's in my boobs that I would totally dig out with a Kleenex if total strangers weren't in front of me) Oh hi! Nice to meet you. Please excuse us, we're prett gross right now.
J: (waving her hand non-chalantly) Don't worry about it, we totally understand. So...how's it going?
Me: Pretty good, I guess. We've got the first big load done. So, now onto the next.
A: We've seen your cars over here once or twice, and wondered if you were going to be our new neighbors. Both of our husbands are police officers.
M: (kicking myself for coming over several times in one week to look in the windows and *maybe* try and sneak in through the garage) Yeah, we've been back and forth from here pretty often. We're pretty excited to move in.
A: Well, everyone around here is really nice. Like I said, our husbands are both on the KCMO PD, so you can feel safe.
Me: (internal monologue) So no getting drunk and running around the house naked on a dare. And no knock down, drag out fights with Hubs on the front lawn screaming "YOU THOUGHT OUR WEDDING WAS BORING! ADMIT IT!")
Me: (out loud) That's great!
A: So...(pausing and cocking her eyebrow), you guys really liked the house then, huh? We've been waiting for someone to move in. (pausing again)
Me: (carefully) Yyyyeah, we like it a lot. I mean...there's some work to be done.
Hubs: We're both designers, so we bought it as a fixer upper.
A: (raising eyebrows and looking at J) So, you're going to do stuff to the house, then?
J: (salivating like a dog after a t-bone.)
Me: Well, as soon as we can we want to paint itm, so-
J: (throwing her arms around me) Oh thank GOD! I'm so glad to hear you say that. The day the woman that lived here started painting this house, I was watching through the blinds, and I immediately called A and was like, "WHAT THE HELL IS SHE DOING OVER THERE?"
Me: (laughing) It's definitely on our list to get done. As soon as we can!
J: (putting her hand over her heart) That makes me feel so much better. I'm so glad you guys don't like it as much as we don't. Although it does make our house easier to find when people come over. 'We're across from the crazy bright house!'
So, we have nice neighbors who really couldn't care less whether we're axe murderers or pedophiles, as long as we paint the house. Which I get. Cuz right now? It looks like this.
And it doesn't stop there. Ms. Previous Owner was not afraid to get in touch with her inner Crayola.
Our Master Bath? Looks like this.
(Blogger is being stubborn and won't turn the picture.)
But she didn't stop at green, oh no. Check out the upstairs bedroom. Ahoy matey! Thar I see land up ahead!
And the dining room. Don't forget the dining room.
I've always wondered what it'd be like to crawl inside an eggplant to eat my breakfast. Now I know.
But fear not, if we grow weary of eggplant casserole, we can easily move on to butternut squash in the 3rd bedroom. Tasty.
Yes, the previous owner of this house clearly had a Rainbow Brite complex, and brought it into her home. But one day at a time, we will overcome. One paint stroke out a time, we will slowly turn this into the house of our dreams.
(Just don't tell the neighbors we plan to do the outside before the inside. Shhhhh.)